. . . .woooooh! i'm here . . . . it's very rare that i come to visit this "place". . . and am so happy to be "here".

. . . it's been awhile since the last time i wrote here. . . i can't believe that it's been that long specially that so many happened to me for the last few months or shall i say for the past 17 months. . . there was promotion and trasfer to a new station. there was family vacation to bohol last april to may, 2009. (imagine, how many pages of journal i can write out of that experience?) then there was adaar. xavi growing up well and beautiful and smart and adorable and lovable. . . and the most interesting of it all is, mt. apo!!! .(imagine again! how come that i have not written even a word out of that experience??? ) . . . maybe i was overwhelmed by the emotions. or was eaten-up by the excitement, amazement when i saw the magnificent mt. apo!. . for sure, one day. yah i promise myself, i will write something about my trip and my companions and about mt. apo itself. . . i promise u and most specially myself. i am sure i can do it because i have kept my notes and a little diary. i was thankful that i have able to at least scribble a little of what i thought and feel that very moment when i saw the most magnificent thing i ever seen in my entire life. i was really overwhelmed when i saw it, that i regret of not being able to bring a tape recorder so that it wud be easier to record all that i want to say than to write them. so dull of me that i forgot to use the celphone instead to record. i cud have recorded all that i think is important! but i took so many pictures though. but its different if i had recorded all those adjectives that came to my mind wen i saw it. i think this is the kind of "writer" that i am. pictures cannot describe. words can . till now, i keep blaming myself for being such a fool!

wala lang. . . .

wow! its so nice to be back home! adaar.just want to let you know that in life u r the gun and the exact angles that i am destined to choose in order for me to hit the mark.thank u so much!

“the walk. . . . . “

target date: 07-10 April 2009
place to visit: mt. apo, philippines

. . . . . i know it’s not only reaching the peak or the summit that will make this “walk” a success, but most importantly, it’s the “climbing”, the “falling” and “trying again”. . .

. . . . may each step that i take will symbolize my desire and effort to reach my “peak”. . .

. . . . may i be the inspiration to my companions and be the channel to make their “walks” light and easy. . .

So help me God. Amen.

t o b r i n g :

-0- warmer -0-

= jacket (3)
= sweater (4)
= gloves (1)
= sleeping bag (w/mat)
= socks (3)

-0- clothes -0-

@= pants =@
- walking (1)
- sleeping (4)
- going-home (1)
- shorts (for bath/swim)

@= shirts =@
- long sleeves (2)
- tanks (4)
- t-shirt (1)
- going-home (1)

@= undies=@
- panty (10)
- bra (5)
- sando (1)

@= uban pa. . . . =@
- shawl (2)
- face-towel (2)
- slipper (1)

-0- meds. . . -0-
- paracetamol
- puritabs (out of the market n daw? Gosh! Kung wala ni, dili na lang ko!)
- ORS
- Lomotil
- Metronidazole
- Mefenamic acid
- Senicod forte
- Iodine
- Plaster/gauze/micropore/band-aid
- Agua oxygenada
- Aldo

-0- toiletries -0- (hoy! In very small quantities jud ha!!!!!)
- tissue
- Soap
- Shampoo/conditioner
- Toothpaste
- Toothbrush
- Mouthwash
- Eskinol
- Cologne
- Cotton/buds
- Feminine wash/fem. Tissue
- Deodorant
- Powder (loose/pressed)
- Lip balm/stick/petroleum jelly

-0- the writer in me. . . . -0- (aaaaccccckkkkk! . . samot kabug-at!)
- that notebook
- Ballpens
- Crayons/color pens
- Journal

-0- my true companion . . . -0-
- rosary
- prayerbook
- crucifix

-0- important too ! . . . -0-
- cellphone; carrier
- glasses
- sewing kit
- extra battery
- extra phone
- candle
- flashlight
- match/lighter
- headband
- cap (cap-em em)
- identifications/documents
- knife (?????)

-0- utensils . . . -0-
- paper plate (smallest juddddddd)
- paper cups
- chop stick

-0- the food maniac in me ! . ! . ! -0-
- coffee/chocolate/milk (sachet)
- tic-tac
- chocolate (loooootttttzzzzzzz)
- candies
- champoy
- haw-flakes
- cereals
- H2O (ambot lang jud! Dili n nko kaya skong power ni! Gosh! Lordddddd)
- Oatmeal
- Tapa, tapa, tapa, tapa!!!
- Sausage ???????
- Cheese

***-*-*-*** extra bag ***-*-*-***
- shirt (1)
- tanks (1)
- meds
- cel
- identification/docs,prayer
- chocolate, food
- H2O
- Powder, alchohol, cologne
- flashlight


“the walk. . . . . : intro/pre-climb“

target date: 13-15 March 2009
place to visit: putingbato, samal, Philippines


****-0-0-0-*****-0-0-0-****

To bring:

- sleeping bag
- jacket (1)
- sock(1)
- undies
- meds
- food
- toiletries
- shawl (2)
- swimsuit
- slipper
- shirt (sleeping, going-home, extra)
- pants (sleeping, walking)


****-0-0-0-*****-0-0-0-****

Dear Lord, peace! Its been so long since the last time I wrote you and I know that you know the reason why. I’ve been evading your presence for the longest time because I am ashamed.

Here I am again Lord, in my old self! I have allowed the history to repeat itself. Same old pattern. Run away from you. Evade from you. Ignore you. Pretend to be deaf. So “ngrata” of me! I know this has to do with my childhood. Sour grape? I don’t want to sound like that. That’s why I am trying my best to take care of my little one. I don’t want her to be like me. Just like a vagabond, I am restless and do not have a sense of permanence, always searching for something which I do not know. And the saddest part of it is that, I always got hurt along the way. I am just thankful that You are always there. Although I am this bad, I constantly feel your loving presence.

I don’t have the face to make bargain with you, but this time Lord, please, I beg. Not this time. I will give up what I “have”. Promise. Just give me what I’ve been praying. Hmmmmnnn. . . . when I really assess what is inside in my heart. It is not really that I want you to grant my prayer. That is only secondary Lord. What is more important, is to be back to my “home”, to where I was before. Please help me Lord.

Love,
Me
1.13.2009


Lord,
Thank you for the pain. Thank you for the trials. Although sometimes, it seems so unbearable. Still I thank you. Because I learn to appreciate the little happiness that I have. I still believe that it it’s not “in place” it’s not your will. I don’t know. I don’t understand. I don’t like feeling this way Lord. I know I deserve something better. Is this self-inflicted pain? Ako lang ba ngkuha bato para ipukpok skong ulo???? Unta dili. I can’t bear this Lord. What have I done to myself, Lord??? So tanga of me! Is this a punishment? Or again self-inflicted pain? Lorddddddd please. I hate feeling this way. I don’t like this. I don’t like this. I don’t like this. . . . accccckkkkk!


Me
1.23.2009

Firing: Lessons Learned

I first tried to fire gun was after college when my first boss, a priest, who loved firing, invited us to join in his regular firing lessons. We did it almost regularly until I resigned from my job. Months later after I resigned, I and my high school friends went to Agusan to celebrate the 1st birthday of our friend’s daughter. Since her husband was an official in the PNP, now a Major, she pleaded him that we be allowed to attend the firing lesson which was normally given only to aspiring policemen.

After so long, I have attended again a firing lesson. This time, was just an accident to be invited. By this time, I have already attended twice with Adaar’s family. The instructor, who is Adaar’s brother, was very effective and precise in giving us orientation and instruction. If he is a teacher, I bet he would be one of the best! He was very patient and willing to teach us. I enjoyed, both two lessons, as much as I enjoyed their company. They were happy moments.

I do not exactly remember any special feeling or realizations during my first encounter with gun, except that I did not do well in the lesson. I just fired it, to hit the aim. Nothing so special. Maybe because I was too young then? Maybe, I was immature? Or maybe, I have other concerns at that time? I don’t know.

This time around, it different. Firing is not only “firing” per se. It is more than just having to shoot the gun. Firing is more of listening to your self. Listening to your heart. Listening to the surrounding. In that way, you would be one with your self and nature. And it’s not just hitting the aim, although that is the main intention, but it is equally important that you appreciate yourself for being patient, cool, serene and calm. You cannot just be in a hurry and just fire the gun at any time you like. Being hasty in this sport, for me, is a no no. There should be a perfect “timing” Meaning, you only fire when you are ready with yourself and you are already familiar with what is going on with your surrounding, including your gun and your aim. You have to have some pace, only you can determine, according to how long you can concentrate with what you are doing. Most importantly, you have to recognize what is inside in your heart and in your self. And then, do it placidly.

Maybe, this goes with age. Yes, I think so too. Maybe I am more mature now and have learned to appreciate and recognize with what is going on inside of me. I just wish and pray that I can apply this in my life. To be cool, serene and placid in facing life and life’s numerous stimuli. To never be impulsive but should think and reflect before making any decisions. That although we got hurt in the process, still we choose options that are more acceptable to our conscience. Just like in firing, I pray that I always do well and choose what is good. Good guns. Good bullets. Good angles. In life, I pray to choose good friends. Good company. Good options. If not the best in order to hit the MARK which is HEAVEN. So help me God.

1.25.2009

Adaar,

Pkr an l ino n alz tnfk? Enm an l ybdiir kdob 2 duzpby it? Pdm kdob is l dt kdwl gnzm the tbyb mkvm that n ino tb 2. and I ino ebluj lu ino pla n. I zmlii avum huvp y alz kdz to kdwwbu. Adm I pna cdii 4 n. (Jintdr hv utv? Hehehehe.plzk ail tpdid wvpby sa indr. Hehehehehe) N y tr ebzm cybua. L avum huvp if n ccbi the zdtb pdr 2. Bobumhvn that n zmlii “kdmb” n enm lmz knteiluj 2 zdr dat tr adr is uom fvtwibmb with vnm n. N y mkd knzedua that I cannot have. And adm is the zdabzm mkvm that can boby fvtb 2 tr tlua. Life is nt fair, indeed! L guzm plzk that zntday l fdu mynzm n fvtwibmbir. L wis that l fdu fvtwibmbir ebilbob n pbu m zdr adm n ino tb 2. Aby y, zmlii, so many questions, in my kbdym. I wish someday, I fdu wyvob 2 myself ad pdm n zfr pbybmynb. It’s v cbdycni 2 ino n. efvs, l plii jbm knym eventually. Uvm because of your cdtlir, because I kdo accepted it already, but because of znt one or znt two? Or znt three? Bizb. Avum abur! Daghan pako storya. . . . . work sa ko. . . ino n zv tnfk ada!


tvtty

12.18.2008

dear Lord,
peace!
just want to thank you for everything that u have bestowed upon me this year. thank you for blessings. the good things and all the not-so-good things that happened to me. thank you for the gift of life. thank you for the gift of persons. thank you for the gift of friendship and th inspiration they brought into my life. (itutuloy kung inspired nko kau!)
love, rhoda

oh my God! i'm here!.. . . wala lang. just wanna let u know that i passed by. . . . . see u soon!

. . . . wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! it feels great when u are back again in ur own world. its been so long since the last time i visited this "place". what a beautiful gift uve given me today Lord. being so busy nowadays, its luxury just to visit this "place" just for a while. and re-reading the journal i have posted here, inspires me to do better everyday. thank u so much Lord, for the gift of "words". i am able to preserve the memories and the feelings and be able to enjoy it over and over again in the years to come. not only me but also the people that id like to share this specially xavi.